When You Don’t Love Being a Parent: It's Okay, You're Not Alone.
Hello!
Let’s get real for a moment. Parenting is hard. I know, it’s often painted as this beautiful, magical journey—one that’s full of joy and connection. But here’s the thing: it’s also exhausting, overwhelming, and at times, totally confusing. If you’ve found yourself in a moment where you’re not feeling the love for every single part of being a parent, please know—you are not alone.
Here at En Route Doulas, we want to tell you that it’s totally okay to have moments where you feel disconnected, tired, or just not in love with all the challenges that come with raising a little human. In fact, it’s normal. So let’s talk through it—because what you’re feeling matters.
1. The Shift in Identity: Who Am I Now?
The moment you become a parent, something huge shifts. One day, you’re just you, and the next, you’re someone’s mom or someone’s dad. It’s like the world expects you to suddenly be this superhuman version of yourself, and that can feel a little overwhelming.
Maybe you’re feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore. The things you loved before, the things that made you feel like you, don’t seem to fit anymore. Your time is spent caring for this tiny person, and it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself.
What you might be feeling:
Like you don’t recognize the “old you” anymore.
A sense of confusion about your new identity and role.
Maybe you feel like you’re supposed to love every second of this new chapter, but sometimes, it’s just hard.
What you can do:
First, know that this feeling is completely normal. You’re not alone.
Take moments to reconnect with the person you were before. Maybe it’s as simple as reading a book you love or chatting with a friend. Little moments like that can help you feel like yourself again.
Talk about it. If you’re feeling lost, talking to your partner, a friend, or a doula about how you’re feeling can really help. You don’t have to carry it alone.
2. The Loss of Self: Where Did “Me” Go?
Here’s the thing—parenting is full-on. You’re giving so much of yourself to your baby, and let’s be honest, it can feel like there’s nothing left for you. The exhaustion, the constant needs, the never-ending tasks... it’s no surprise that you feel like you’ve lost touch with your own needs and desires.
What you might be feeling:
Burnout. You’re running on empty, but you keep pushing because, well, who else will take care of everything?
Guilt when you take a moment for yourself. That voice inside telling you, “You should be doing something for your baby, not for you.”
A sense of being overwhelmed by trying to be everything to everyone.
What you can do:
Give yourself permission to take a break. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need it. Whether it’s a few quiet moments to yourself or a long nap, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Say no to things that don’t serve you right now. Don’t overcommit. You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Reach out for help when you need it. Whether that’s a family member, a friend, or a doula, asking for support doesn’t make you less of a parent. It makes you a parent who cares about their well-being.
3. Why It Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Love Your Baby
Here’s the truth: not every moment of parenting will feel amazing, and that doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. In fact, it might actually mean you love them more—because you’re showing up every day, doing your best, even when it’s tough.
You might feel frustrated, tired, or just plain overwhelmed. That’s okay. Feeling all of those things is part of the journey, and it doesn’t take away from the deep love you have for your little one.
What you might be feeling:
A sense of guilt because you don’t feel over-the-moon happy 24/7.
Frustration when you can’t do everything perfectly.
Sadness or longing for the life you had before the baby arrived.
What you can do:
Remind yourself that it’s normal to feel frustrated or disconnected sometimes. Parenting is a huge transition, and it’s okay to not feel on top of it every day.
Practice kindness towards yourself. Give yourself the grace to feel all of your emotions, without judgment.
And when things feel heavy, reach out for support. Whether it’s a counselor, therapist, or a trusted friend, talking about your feelings can make a world of difference.
4. Resources for Support: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Parenthood can feel isolating at times, especially when you’re dealing with tough emotions, but please know that help is out there. You don’t have to carry this all on your own.
Resources to Consider:
Therapy or Counseling: It’s so important to talk to someone who can help you work through the emotional ups and downs of parenting.
Support Groups: There are communities—both online and in person—where you can connect with other parents who are going through the same thing. It can be so comforting to hear, “Yeah, me too.”
Your Doula: Yep, that’s us! We’re here to offer emotional support, guidance, and practical help during the postpartum period. Whether you need advice or just someone to listen, we’ve got you covered.
Friends and Family: Lean on those who love you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, even if it’s just for a short break or a listening ear.
Parenting is a rollercoaster—and not the fun kind all the time. Some days, it feels amazing, and others, it’s a struggle. But no matter how you’re feeling, remember: it’s okay to have those moments. You’re doing an incredible job, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
At En Route Doulas, we’re here for you. We’re not just here for the birth—we’re here for the messy, beautiful, exhausting journey of parenthood. You don’t have to go through it alone, and you don’t have to love every part of it to be a great parent. You’re enough, just as you are.